It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
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I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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