I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
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Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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