You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize