Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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