OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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