my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
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Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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