i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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