I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
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the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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