glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize