Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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