Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
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he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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