My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
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and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
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How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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