I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize