thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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