Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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