New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
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I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
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I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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