hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
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Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
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Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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