Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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