I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
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We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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