SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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