my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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