I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize