If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My balls are so social today.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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