My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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