I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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