wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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