maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
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He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
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Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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