if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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