Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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