Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize