Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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