Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize