Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
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Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
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there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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