I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize