My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize