I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
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I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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