I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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