Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
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I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
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He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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