you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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