At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
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i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
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Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My vagina is very pro this idea
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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