We're like a lot better than the average bears
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
