We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
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I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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