is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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