So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
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The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My breasts were aching with rage.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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