i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize