I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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