this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
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If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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