matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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