We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
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I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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