I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize