I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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